How do you begin to explain the last 3 weeks of my life? How do you try to explain the shock, the trauma, the devastation, the depths of sadness I’ve felt? I don’t think there is an answer to those questions other than to share the raw open wound and gut-wrenching truth. So here it goes.
THE ACCIDENT
On Monday, February 6th my love, Oscar, was in a car accident and died upon impact.
It took me 20 minutes to gather enough courage to type those last 3 words…
I was finishing up the work day, and his younger brother called and would only say “get here now”. I jumped in the car, flew to his house, and pulled up to see half his family standing outside in the yard. I ran towards the house, and his son stopped me in the street and tried to find the words to tell me what I was scared to death to be true. “He’s gone”.
What do you mean? Where is here? WHERE IS HE? I wanted to jump back in the car and rush to a hospital, but the only answer he could give me was, “he’s already at the funeral home”. I dropped to the ground, sobbing in disbelief, and the next minutes, hours, and days turned into complete blur of tears, anger, and pain so intense I felt like I was being ripped apart on the inside.
The details of events since the crash feel too private, too tender, too sacred to share with the world. Yes, this is the horrific reality of my life now, but it is also the reality of his incredible children, his parents, his siblings, his friends. And I will always try to respect and honor them. There have been days we all sat together staring off into space, taking turns sobbing and comforting each other. There have been moments of beautiful, overwhelming love as his massive family and even larger circle of friends have gathered together in hugs and I Love You’s, even though many of these people that were part of his life I’m just now meeting for the first time.
THE IMPRINT
When I first met Oscar 3 years ago, it didn’t take long to see that family meant everything to him. And not just the ones that shared his blood, but everyone he knew and loved. That truth was apparent as ever when we learned that well over 700 people came to his viewing, possibly over 1000, and some stood in lines weaving all over the funeral home for over 2-2 ½ hours. The funeral director told us he broke their record, which seemed so fitting for the man that had bigger dreams and goals than any of us. Someone took a video of the outside of the funeral home, and not only was every parking space filled, but the businesses next door were also overflowing and many cars were parked in ditches and anywhere they could find open ground to be able to come pay their respects to the man that touched SO MANY lives.
There have been some beautiful moments in the last 24 days, but that first week the heaviness and darkness consumed me more often than not. I felt as though the days were flying by, and I was moving in slow motion. Just trying to take a shower and comb my hair felt like it took an eternity and all my effort. With each day that passes that heaviness subsides ever so slightly, which makes my heart hurt even more when I stop long enough to think about it. My body is coming off of the intense withdrawal of having him close to me, and I hate that Oscar and our love is starting to feel more like a memory than my reality.
THE LESSON
One thing that was abundantly clear about Oscar is his ability to connect with people. To learn who they are and what their struggles are. What advice he could give them or how he could help them reach their full potential. There was a lesson in everything, and he took any knowledge or skill he ever learned and was willing to share it with anyone wanted to listen.
I’ve done a lot of thinking in the last 3 weeks about what lessons I could possibly extract from this. What strength can be gained or what good could be shared. It doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that Oscar has left dozens, if not hundreds of lessons for us all to learn from, and the best way I know how to honor him is this:
I will share my grief. I will share my pain. I will share what it looks like and feels like as I get through the next day, month, year. You may relate to my story because you’ve lost the love of your life too. Or maybe you’ve lost a parent, a friend, a child. Maybe you’re going through a divorce and grieving the loss of the life you had (I’ve been there too). Or maybe you are in a dark place from what life has handed you, and you need to find the strength to climb back out of that hole. We’ll walk through it together.
I can hear him in every thought I have, every step I take, every decision I make. Writing these words will be therapy, and maybe hearing them will be therapy for you too. I have a purpose. I have an angel walking beside me. And I know I have a community around me as I grieve the loss of my best friend, my business and gym partner, my biggest cheerleader, my source of joy and laughter, and my love.
THE FINAL PROJECT
We started renovating the Darby House house in January of last year.
even when the foundation is literally crumbling underneath you…
WHAT’S NEXT
Oscar taught me so many things, and his lessons continue to inspire and motivate me daily. There are so many of those lessons and perspectives I want to share with you, and in time I will. I feel a renewed purpose for this life and hope to impact even a small percentage of the people he impacted in his short (almost) 40 years.
Thank you for the huge outpouring of love and prayers and encouraging messages. I continue to read through them all and feel comforted knowing I’m not alone on this journey.
It feels strange, uncomfortable and almost trivial to dive right back in to sharing what I normally would here, so I hope you can be patient with me as I find the balance between our normal decor and design content and moments like this when I need to get out the words that are crowding my head.
HOW YOU CAN HELP:
Many of you have asked how you can help or what I need besides prayer right now. I’m the worst at asking for or accepting help, but I know with how much our world has been turned upside down, I need it.
- Read, engage, share, comment, like save, and pin – the more you interact with the content I share, the better my audience reach and income is. Bloggers/influencers can get paid in many different ways, but every time you are on my blog looking up a recipe or reading a tutorial, I make a small amount of money. Every time you interact with me on social media, it tells the algorithm you enjoy what I’m sharing, and it shares my content with more people. In other words, just continue showing up as the incredibly supportive community you’ve always been.
- Shop Grow + Gather – I just added 15 new spring candle scents to our store, and we are working so hard to get our spring decor collection launched as soon as possible. By choosing to shop and support my small business, you are helping me keep bills paid and a roof over our head while we figure out this next chapter of life. We pour so much love and care into the items we curate for Grow + Gather, and I can’t wait for you to see what is coming in the new collection.
- Make a donation to Oscar’s two amazing children, Marcos and Isabela. At just 19 and 17 years old, they have lost so much, and I want to make sure they are able to continue their education and career paths as their dad would have wanted. I added a page on the Grow + Gather website where you can easily select your donation amount and pay online. If you wanted to do a little shopping to freshen up your home for spring, you can add any of the decor items we have in stock to your cart along with the donation and check out all at one time.
Make your donation HERE.
Thank you for being here… then, now and always. Love you 🤍
Reading these short blogs really made me smile and cry, you are so strong, talented, beautiful, friendly, patient and a kind person and I know we are friends because of Oscar. Everything he ever told me about you is making sense and I’m able to see every single reason he loved you, I could read him like a book most days and his favorite chapters were always you and the kids.
There are no words that can express how deeply sorry I am for Oscar and for you and his family and all who knew and loved him. Your words are so poignant and such a loving tribute to him. He certainly lived his life well and will be missed by so many. I am so sorry for your loss.
Oh, dear Liz, your sharing of your good, strong heart in all the many ways you do in your offerings is a balm and an encouragement to all of us.
Love you, Aunt Carla
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. May peace be with you and yours now and always.
I don’t know you and never had the pleasure of meeting the love of your life, but after reading this incredible tribute to your husband, my heart is broken for you, his children & all who knew him. I always have so much empathy for someone in pain & am sitting here crying because I feel so sad. I so wish I could take away your pain. It’s obviously not the same, but I too had the love of my life, or so I thought, that I lost. First, to infidelity & my world was turned upside down & then he passed away due to cancer. It’s been four years since he walked out on me & I don’t think I will ever fully recover from that devastation I have felt. I am friends with Jana Beckom who apparently knew your husband & that’s how I came upon this tribute. I used to work at the daycare where her daughter attends & cared for her from infancy. I will keep you & his whole family in my daily prayers. I know prayers can not replace the incredible loss you are experiencing, but will hopefully help you face each day the best you can. No one can measure your grief or tell you how long that should last. So, just do what you need to do for you.
I truly enjoyed reading this and I feel that sharing the depths of your emotions is critical for healing your heart. No I have never met you before the viewing, you must have been very special to have captured the heart of such a very special man. I worked with Oscar’s mother for 5 years at TMC and we had a wonderful relationship. We tried to stay in touch after our office was shut down, that is lives often do they drift apart. It was wonderful to see all of the family again. My heart still aches for all of you as I cannot imagine the pain that you are feeling. Know that you will remain in my thoughts and my prayers for a long time to come. Please give my love to all of the family. ❤️🙏
I am so very sorry for your loss. I was widowed at 44 so I have been there. Tears for you and me. Bonnie
Liz, the community you have built is crying tears with you and we can feel how broken your heart is. Thank you for giving us a way to lift you up, and thank you for sharing this tragic piece of yourself. We love you and will continue to pray for you and for Oscar’s family.
What a beautiful tribute to Oscar and also your relationship. Your heart to share on grief, wisdom and hope is so beautiful even in your deepest pain. Praying for you, your family and Oscars family as you grieve the loss of a wonderful person. Thank you for sharing and reminding us of the hope we all have.
I have followed you for a long time. It breaks my heart what you are enduring and understand that feeling of grief. I have been praying for you, his and your children as well. May God provide you comfort during this difficult time. Your video brought me to tears. Hugs from a far from a person you never met but wishes you were not suffering for this loss.
Liz,
Your words paint a beautiful tribute to Oscar and his life’s work on earth (and I don’t mean just his occupation). Death is one of those subjects no one wants to talk about and yet you share your heart about what this is like for you personally. Thank you for your vulnerability in doing so. You will be helping someone else as they navigate their unchartered waters as well. I don’t know either of you, yet I can see the love in photos and through your blog. This quote from Ram Dass reminds me of how you describe Oscar. “When we see the Beloved in each person, it’s like walking through a garden, watching flowers bloom all around us.” Thinking of you and all those he loved.
Beautiful tribute. Sending prayers across the miles.
Life is so fragile. Today, I find myself in tears for someone I have never met. I am keeping your precious, broken heart in my prayers, sweet girl.
This is so tragic there really are no words. The work you two did together touched many homes including mine. I will share and pin and so forth to support you and yours. Again sorry for your loss. Prayers for your family
Liz I knew you would share your story because that is what you do, but how inspiring to share when the pain and grief is so raw. This is so helpful to others. The love and joy that you and Oscar shared was a true blessing. It radiates through both of your faces in your photos. Absolutely beautiful. I will continue to pray for you and Oscars family.
I’m so sorry for your loss. What an incredible man he was. Giant hugs to you and everyone who is grieving.
What a beautiful tribute to Oscar. When you are feeling down and missing him, take comfort in knowing that you mafde him happy, that you loved him and he loved you back.
Liz, no words can describe your loss. Always know you have a community that loves you and is here to help you no matter how far away we are or if we never even meet. I’ve enjoyed your stories and hope you continue to find peace. Death comes to us all but love lives forever. My condolences.
Liz,
I love your tribute! It’s beautiful. I can tell by your honesty about your grief and looking forward to the future, you’re going to be ok. I am grieving the loss of both parents in 14 months. You are handling this in a healthy way. I will continue to pray for you. Look into Grief support groups, they’re very helpful!!
May God bless and comfort all of you!
Sue
That was so beautifully written. I didn’t really know Oscar, I knew of him through a relative & the many friends we share. I had him on Facebook, seen his life (what he posted) & enjoyed reading his positive, motivating posts. You could tell he loved his children very much, loved his friends & family. He was definitely ambitious, & had so much drive. Was such a good hearted person, that will carry on through his children, family, you & every life he touched. He was a light in such a dark world, & it’s so nice to see that light will carry on! 🖤
I am so very sorry. May God bring you peace in your beautiful memories of you and the love that you two shared.
So hard – both for you to live and us to read, but as you (and Oscar) said, so many lessons to be learned. Your life is shifting in HUGE ways-the Instagram post about the disaster where your physical shop is along with all this – and it’s hard to know why or where the good is in all this. I’m going to stop now because it’s your life and your pain but know that what you are sharing is helping others who are either currently in pain or who are looking back into their own lives seeing terrible situations and how they have come out the other side. Blessings to you and all who knew and loved Oscar.
I am so profoundly sad for you and Oscar’s loved ones. Your beautiful tribute is so meaningful. I wish you peace and healing and ❤️
I didn’t know you’re whole story but when I saw the post on your store’s website, my heart sank. Thinking of all your friends and family as you navigate unchartered waters.
Praying for you and your healing. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. Hang in there, you’re strong!
I am so sorry for your loss. I truly understand. When he was 27 my amazing, beautiful son died, also in a car accident. I know what it feels like to have the world stop and yet see others living normally. I miss him every day still, yet I know he is with me at times. I wish I could make this easier for you .
I’m so so very sorry for your incredible loss❣️my Momma & I were in a head on crash in 1993 , she died as a result and I barely survived… the pain is still there but when I think of her in my hurting heart I close my eyes and see her face, her beautiful smile and I have a warm heart.
May God bless you and keep you. May your memories see you through.
Two and a half yours in to the loss of my Soulmate of fifty years tears are flowing down my face as I think of your raw and so sudden loss and the inevitable and so painfilled departure of my SuperStar.
You see I had a Mr Fixit. Do it and How Do you want it? Guy.
We achieved so much as a team. Now I am the one with the drill. I am the one with my hands in the earth. I am the one resurrecting a rocky little business one day at a time.
My loss was such a lonely one as Superstar passed away during the strictest part of Covid Lockdown.
A consequence of this is I was instantly on my own.
My heart says to you…go slowly…take your time…the healing will come and the lessons will be waiting for you to unpack and puzzle over.
You are lucky to have an abundance of people to love and support you. Ultimately the journey you are on is yours alone to take.
Be kind to yourself.
Best wishes
Julie Short
Australia
I am so sorry for your lost love. As time goes by you never forget, it just hurts a little less. God bless you and yours..
I am so sorry for your loss, I hope you have wonderful memories that can help you through the pain and may you and family find peace.
Liz
So so sorry for your loss. I am somewhat new to your wonderful achievements. But reading and viewing your successes is amazing. But most of all, you seem through your writing that you are a strong woman. You will have the strength and support from many. Most of all, you will have Oscar forever within. God bless you and your family. Sending hugs.
Caryn
I have been following you for a very long time – from when you first started renovating your home and after your divorce. I remember feeling your pain with starting a new life with just you and the boys. I had been there too.
When I saw that Oscar had passed away, I at first thought it was some cruel joke because you had found someone who shared “you”. I am still in disbelief so cannot even imagine your emotions and feelings right now. I have been through this loss too.
It is something one learns to live with – at times there is peace and at times, unexpectedly, the pain comes crashing in.
I, many years ago, started a blog (which I no longer do) to help me get through my loss – it helped me so very much, so share away – we are all there for you and always will be – even though we may never meet, your posts on social media fill me with light and love.
That is my wish for you – light and love – light to carry on your life’s journey and love that will always be present in your heart as you learn to live without the love of your life.
Be blessed Liz and be kind and gentle to yourself.
Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry. He was a beautiful, loving, and giving person, who picked you to be his center, be comforted by that. What I know, is time will heal your heart and allow you to find your life’s rhythm again.
Sharing your pain and sadness is important because it allows us all to carry some of your sadness for you which will lighten your broken heart just a bit more each day.
My heart breaks for his children as well, May God bless them.
I’m so sorry. Hugs ❤️❤️❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. My prayers to you and your families as you go through this terrible time .
Dearest Liz, there are no words….my heart breaks for you. 💔❤️🩹💕
Liz, I have read your blog for some time now but have never commented. I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone in this journey. I lost my precious husband of 43 years almost 4 years ago and the grief is just as strong today as it was on the day that he left me. Like your precious Oscar his death was also unexpected-he passed away in his sleep and I found him the next morning. Heart broken, desolate, immobile, disbelief are just a few of the emotions that continue to guide my days it seems. Please don’t think my days are consumed by grief because they aren’t-there are times that things seem “normal” and then out of the blue something I see, hear, read , remember brings it all crashing back. Rely on your family and friends-they will be your best ally in getting thru these next few months. Enjoy the memories even though they may bring you pain. Nothing anyone can say can ease your pain but know there are people who care about you and love you and will be there for you when you need them. Blessings to you.
Oh Liz, I am so sorry to hear this devastating news and the depth of suffering you are experiencing. I have been fallowing you for many years though your ups and downs and have not commented as that is not us usually what I do, but I was compelled by this loving and inspiring story to do that today. There is so much love in you and your being. Continue to be strong and stay true to yourself. Bless you and all your family.
Dear Liz,
I am so so terribly sorry to read this today. I don’t even know what to say – except – peace be with you and your family in this terrible time of grief. I will pray for you all. Again, I am so sad for you.
Take each day slowly and be kind to yourself as you go forward. Bless you.
Liz, I am so very sorry for your Loss. May the Lord wrap His Arms around you and your Family and give you all the strength you will need each and every day. 💕🙏
Liz, I’m shocked reading this and my heart goes out to you friend. I’m so so sorry for your loss. The love you two shared was such a blessing, he seemed like an amazing person. Big big hugs to you. You are in my thoughts. xoxox
Rest in peace, dear sweet Oscar. I don’t know you but the words spoken about you speak volumes as to the gentle soul you were. My prayers and deepest condolences to Liz and your family.
Beautiful words about such sadness and I don’t know how you were able to write all of this so soon. Your purpose to move forward sharing Oscar’s lessons with others will bless many. .
My heart goes out to you. I don’t personally know you or Oscar, but his tragic loss is a reminder of how very precious life is. I wish you strength and peace, and look forward to your future blogs.
Liz, I am so very sorry for your loss. I could feel your pain throughout the entire post. I cried reading it and don’t even know you or Oscar personally. I could hear the love you had for him in your words and stories. I pray you and his family and children will find eventual peace over his loss. The pain never goes away entirely nor missing them. I know this. I lost my father when I was 12 in a horrible car/train accident. The loss is profound when it comes without warning. Bless you and may you find joy in the memories of him and know he is always with you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I was shocked and couldn’t believe it. Oscar was meant to enter your life even though it was short. He made an impression and you shared so much. Pease forgive the late response, we have been going through renovations and I finally sat down to get caught up. I will check out your new candle scents. Take care.
Liz, I hope you feel better. I know he loved you very much. He is proud of everything you do.
I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. My husband and I have been married 37 years and I don’t know what I would do without him. Prayers are sent for you and your family along with big bear hugs. <3
Liz, my heart cries with you. Sending you all my love.